Twilight

Some of you may be wondering why the guild has thus far been silent regarding the pop phenomena known as Twilight. Frankly I have neither read nor seen Twilight and have no intention to do either any time soon. However I do know this, EDWARD CULLEN MUST DIE! I urge you, my friends, not to be fooled. I know vampires can appear charming and sympathetic, but don’t you believe it. Don’t fall for their angst ridden posing. Don’t believe the lies of the so-called “reluctant” or “misunderstood” nosferatu. The undead are inherently evil and must be eradicated from the face of the earth. They do not sparkle, my friends. That is but a trick, a glamour if you will, designed to entrap the innocent, the gullible, and the unsuspecting. They don’t love you. They cannot love you. They only seek to feed, kill, and corrupt.


Now, though as I said, I haven’t seen the movie version of Twilight, I have it on very good authority that it is a very poor film indeed. “Worst movie ever,” I believe were the words used by my unfortunate relation who suffered through the two-hour crapfest. Personally I suspect that it is not quite as bad as my choice for worst movie ever, Manos: The Hands of Fate, but I imagine must still be pretty bad to elicit such a response. We may have a more detailed review from said relation in the future if she can bear to subject herself to the memory of Twilight long enough to write one.

For a brief taste of the flaming crapburger that is Twilight see it in 30 seconds and reenacted by bunnies at Starz.com.

In other bad movie news, The Underworld crap trick (pardon me, hat trick) is completed with Underworld Rise of the Lycans opening this weekend. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m confident that it won’t be any better than the first two Underworld films. I certainly can tell from the trailers that our old friend the Blue Filter is back stronger than ever.