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Daybreakers

This could also be cool.

Nazi Zombies!

Oh, hell yes! Watch the trailer for Dead Snow.

and also... Zombieland.

Twilight

Some of you may be wondering why the guild has thus far been silent regarding the pop phenomena known as Twilight. Frankly I have neither read nor seen Twilight and have no intention to do either any time soon. However I do know this, EDWARD CULLEN MUST DIE! I urge you, my friends, not to be fooled. I know vampires can appear charming and sympathetic, but don’t you believe it. Don’t fall for their angst ridden posing. Don’t believe the lies of the so-called “reluctant” or “misunderstood” nosferatu. The undead are inherently evil and must be eradicated from the face of the earth. They do not sparkle, my friends. That is but a trick, a glamour if you will, designed to entrap the innocent, the gullible, and the unsuspecting. They don’t love you. They cannot love you. They only seek to feed, kill, and corrupt.


Now, though as I said, I haven’t seen the movie version of Twilight, I have it on very good authority that it is a very poor film indeed. “Worst movie ever,” I believe were the words used by my unfortunate relation who suffered through the two-hour crapfest. Personally I suspect that it is not quite as bad as my choice for worst movie ever, Manos: The Hands of Fate, but I imagine must still be pretty bad to elicit such a response. We may have a more detailed review from said relation in the future if she can bear to subject herself to the memory of Twilight long enough to write one.

For a brief taste of the flaming crapburger that is Twilight see it in 30 seconds and reenacted by bunnies at Starz.com.

In other bad movie news, The Underworld crap trick (pardon me, hat trick) is completed with Underworld Rise of the Lycans opening this weekend. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m confident that it won’t be any better than the first two Underworld films. I certainly can tell from the trailers that our old friend the Blue Filter is back stronger than ever.

Vampire Hunters optimistic victory is near

From the Smooth Operator website-

They have been wandering the face of the Earth since the beginning of time, ready to drain your veins of blood and wipe out human civilization. Vampire Hunters have been working for years to stop them and said Wednesday that they are well on their way with a plan to stop every Vampire, whether they pose a threat or not.

View the full story.

The Sanguinarian

An old friend of mine is in this movie, so check it out if you have the chance.

Another complete tool

This is the kind of guy we hate.

Unearthly assault alleged
Man, 19, convinced girl, 15, that he was vampire-werewolf hybrid before they had sex.

By Chris Parker | Of The Morning Call

Vampires Vs. Zombies

The title will tempt you, but don't let it. Under no circumstances should you ever buy, rent, watch, or be left alone in the same room with the movie (and I use the term loosely) Vampires Vs. Zombies.

Here is the totally inaccurate description from Netflix.

Ligaya Allmer, Maratama Carlson and Melanie Crystal star in this bout to end all bouts, a face-off against two of the most evil supernatural forces: vampires fueled by bloodlust and zombies who've come back from the dead to prey on those who are still living. The two camps are bent on proving their superiority, so it's a race to the gory finish. Whoever wins will decide the future of the rest of the human race.

Where to start? I suppose the part about who appears in the movie is acurate, though I hesitate to say anyone "stars" in it. There is no face-off. No one is bent on proving their superiority, no race to the finish, and no deciding the future of the human race.

Here's a more accurate description from me.

Vampires Vs. Zombies is a very bad adaptation of Carmilla with a few zombies randomly inserted and an ending that makes no damn sense.

Seriously, if anyone ever tries to show you this movie, lay down and close your eyes until they go away.

For the first time ever I am giving a movie ZERO bloody crosses. That's 0 of 5. Nothing, zip, nada, ziltch, goose egg.

The dvd also has a short film on it by the same folks which is slightly better, but still not that good and certainly not worth polluting your home with the presence of the dvd.