ZOMBIES!!!

My friend Bill and I were in Hastings yesterday where I was trying very hard NOT to buy anything. We were almost to the register and I had managed to put down everything I had picked up. I was going to make it out with my wallet intact. Then from behind me I heard Bill's voice.

"Hey, check this out," he said. I turned and there in his hand was ZOMBIES!!!

"Crap!" I thought, "I'm not going to make it. Wait, wait, it's $24.95. I don't have enough with me." And then I made the big mistake. I checked my wallet. I did have enough. I wasn't going to make it. Bill couldn't know I had been intending to buy the game for over a year. It wasn't his fault, but if I was going down he was going to go down with me.

"If I get this game, are you going to play it with me?" Bill hemmed and hawed. He's been crabby about playing games lately. Eventually I wrestled a commitment from him to at least try it once. So I bought the game and left the store. It got me. I was now infected. Just like in a zombie movie.

So, I finally have ZOMBIES!!! and I love it. I played two games that night with the afore mentioned Bill and his nephew, Brandon. The first time through we were confused by a few of the rules, so that is a minor flaw but we still had fun. After checking the FAOs on the publisher's website and getting things straightened out, we decided to play a second game. It was just as fun as the first and went a bit smoother.

Here's a brief description of the game from the box.

"Zombies!!! puts you in the middle of the action as you try to escape the ever advancing zombie hoard. Players must use a combination of wits and brawn to be the first to the heliport and certain escape. The only problem is, the zombies are everywhere, they appear to be very hungry and your opponents would really prefer if you didn't escape."

Rather then a board, the game uses tiles that represent city streets, stores, Town Square, and the Hellipad. Tiles are laid out by the players as the game progresses so that you get a different playing field each time. This really makes for great replayability. Players win by being the first to reach the heliport, thus flying away to safety. Alternately you can win by being the first to kill 25 zombies. It's possible for the tiles to get laid out in such a way that the heliport can't be placed. In that case killing 25 zombies is the only way to win.

I won't go into all the rules, but there are lots of ways to screw over fellow players. This is a game of survival, not cooperation. It's all a lot of fun. Oh, how we laughed when Bill's big gamble failed and almost certain victory was snatched away at the last moment.

A few of the components of the game could be a little better. The Bullet and Heart counters that came with the game look a little too much alike so we used red and white glass beads instead. It would be nice if the tiles were heavier. They had a tendency to slide around. But thicker tiles would probably drive the cost up and it costs quite enough already. Still I recommend the game if killing zombies and screwing over your friends sounds like fun to you.

There are several sequels and expansion sets. I may get them later. During the second game we ran out of zombies and had to use Heroclix, so I'll definitely be getting a Bag O' Zombies.

Zombies!!!, wholesome fun for the whole family.

The Walking Dead

The following is a guest review by Bill.


Who doesn't like zombies?

Well, if you don't you're a moron.

They're loads of fun. They're like ants in this book...They're everywhere.

I am admittedly late in jumping on this book. I have seen it but I never pulled the trigger. Until my LCS accidentally ordered a pile of the first trade. He didn't want them and couldn't return them. So he cut the price in half just to get rid of them.

So what idiot passes on a five dollar TPB. Certainly not this idiot.

The really cool thing about this book is that it takes it's time. It's showing what the world would be like in a world full of zombies.

There's none of the standard three act crap...

Act 1: The Trigger...how it all happened...you won't find any of that here. We still don't know. And I don't care. It isn't what the book is about. We may find out, we may not. It doesn't matter.

Act 2: Figuring out what the problem and how to fix it. In this book the problem is surviving...that's it. And it's not easy. Don't get attached to anybody because you could turn the page and that guy or gal will be dead. It's cool as hell.

Act 3: Fix the problem. There isn't a magic formula to set everything right. The survivors just have to deal with it.

None of the above crap is getting in the way of a really cool comic.

Do yourself a favor and check it out.

HUNTER OF THE WEEK - SAYA

It's Thursday again already and that means it's time for a new Hunter of the Week. Today we have Saya from Blood: the Last Vampire. Saya is the afore mentioned "Last Vampire." Which is a little confusing because she fights things throughout the move that seem to be vampires. I think Saya is the last "true" vampire and these other things are hybrids or something. It's not terribly clear, but that's anime for you. Nevertheless, it is a beautifully made film and Saya kicks ass. There is a manga sequel, Blood: The Last Vampire 2000. It's even more confusing and I didn't like it nearly as much.

Saya is just one of many vampire hunters who are also vampire hunters ie. she hunts vampires and is a vampire who hunts. I'm sure we'll meet more like her in future instalments.

HUNTERS OF THE WEEK - THE FROG BROTHERS

This week's hunter is actually a pair of hunters, Edgar and Alan, the Frog Brothers as played by Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander in the film classic The Lost Boys.

Whether your problem is gangs of teenage vampires of werewolves in the city council, the fearless Frog Brothers are your men.



Of course today everyone knows a squirtgun full of holy water is one of the most effective short range weapons against a vampire, but the Frog Brothers pioneered the technique.









Though they haven't been heard from since the eighties, we can only hope that the Brothers Frog continue their fearless fight against the creatures of the night. CARPE NOCTEM, BABY!

MONSTER COPS

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Dracula, The Wolfman, and Frankenstein's Monster became policemen. Well, wonder no more. Thanks to artist CHIP ZDARSKY, the truth can now be told.

Monster Cops can be found in the comic anthology RUMBLE ROYALE.

DARKWATCH

Darkwatch, a cool looking new vampire hunting video game is being released TODAY. So, of course I haven't had the chance to play it yet. I'll post a review as soon as I can. Darkwatch Official Site .

Here's a few words from the game's street team site-

"Darkwatch is a cinematic 1st person shooter blending the Vampire-Horror and Western genres…for the first time ever! The game will be available in Fall for PS2 and Xbox.

Please join us. We are the Darkwatch; a mysterious secret society that has protected humanity from evil since the dawn of civilization. We grind our enemies for fuel, fashion their skin into protective cloaks and create weapons designed to exterminate en masse - and we’re the good guys!

As an agent of the Darkwatch you will be sent on missions, receive insider access to the game developers and based on your participation level get the chance to win some truly awesome prizes.

Stay with the Darkwatch, and the Darkwatch shall reward you.

- Your fearless Darkwatch Leader.....Andrew"


Maybe this is the first time the Vampire-Horror Western genres have been blended in a video game, but I'm pretty sure it's not the first time ever in any medium. Heck, I once did it myself, but since that was never published, perhaps it doesn't count.

If you'd like to join the Darkwatch, click here (I'll get points if you do. What? You know I'll still give it a crap review if it sucks.)

A silly game

I just ran across this game the other day. When Raiders of the Lost Ark was rereleased on DVD they slaped "Indianna Jones and the" in front of it. So the game is add "Indianna Jones and the" in front of the name of another movie and see how it sounds. It won't work with everthing but some sound like a movie you'd want to see.

Indianna Jones and the Legend of Bagger Vance
Indianna Jones and the Witches of Eastwick
Indianna Jones and the Haunted Mansion
Indianna Jones and the Blue Crush
Indianna Jones and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

So, inspired by Hunter: The Reckoning I've come up with a new game. (Can you see where this is going?) Take a character or a title and slap The Reckoning on the end. Everything sounds cooler if there's going to be a reckoning.

Strawberry Shortcake: The Reckoning
Futurama: The Reckoning
Microsoft: The Reckoning

Try it for yourself.

On TV this week.

Since there is the issue of time zones and the fact that some channels like HBO, Cinemax, Encore, etc actually are more than one channel, I'm just going to point you in the general direction of vampire movies and shows airing this week. Check you local listing for details.

Animal Planet has something called Most Extreme: Monster Myths tonight and early tomorrow morning.

Blood: The Last Vampire and Vampire Hunter D will both be on Encore Action a few times tonight and early tomorrow morning.

The Scars of Dracula is on AMC early Saturday morning.

Cinemax is showing Underworld on Sunday.

Also on Sunday is John Carpenter's Vampires on the Sci-Fi Channel.

Van Helsing is on various Starz channels during the week.

Here's something for the kids, Scooby-Doo and the Legend of the Vampire is on Cartoon Network Tuesday morning.

There is something on ABCFamily on Friday called Spider-Man: The Immortal Vampire. I'm guessing this is an episode of one of the Spider-Man cartoons.

And of course FX shows episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer daily.

HUNTER OF THE WEEK

This week's Hunter is KASSANDRA CHEYUNG from the multiple Hunter: The Reckoning games. The girl hunts while wearing a teddy bear backpack. How cool is that?

Kassadra is the sole heir to the Fairday Manufacturing fortune. Once a spoiled rich kid and party girl, Kassandra gained a new perspective on life after helping a friend in trouble at a rave. Further enlightenment during the incident at Ashcroft Prison led to Kassandra becoming a Hunter.

Kassandra now uses her parent’s resources to travel in search of other hunters and new prey. She still maintains the pretense of spoiled screw-up in order to insulate her family from what she’s doing.

Hunter: The Reckoning categorizes characters by "creeds." Kassandra belongs to the Martyr creed.

Send me a picture of yourself in your best hunting gear along with a brief description and maybe you can make Hunter of the Week.

Zombie Hunters

I've created a new Cafepress store just for you zombie hunters. Get your gear here.

Vampire Hunter D Volume 2: Raiser of Gales

A new Vampire Hunter D comic is available for pre-order from Dark Horse Comics. Here's the description from the DH website.

"Vampire Hunter D Volume 2: Raiser of Gales

The adventures of Vampire Hunter D continue!

Vampires: murderous creatures in the shape of humans, they stalk the night feeding on the blood of innocents. Seemingly immortal, they can be destroyed only by the use of a stake through the heart, severing of their heads, or exposure to sunlight. By the year 12, 090 A.D. vampires have ruled the Earth for almost 300 years, and it is only these weaknesses that have kept these foul monsters from totally overrunning the world.

But what happens when those rules no longer apply? The village of Tsepesh sits in the eternal shadow of an abandoned castle, a onetime stronghold of the Nobility, the vampire lords who rule the devastated wasteland of the future. Ten years ago four children disappeared while playing near the castle, only to mysteriously reappear a month later. Now vampires have begun to hunt in the daylight. Are the two events connected? The villagers turn to the vampire hunter known only as D, but as he follows the children, now adults, the answers he finds may be more terrifying than anything he could ever imagine.

Vampire Hunter D is a co-publication of DH Press and Digital Manga Publishing.
FOR MATURE READERS "

Vampire Hunter D: Volume One is available now.

And did I mention the effects

No, I don't think I did. Well, the special effects in Dracula: The Series were crap as well, being on the level of Goosebumps or Small Wonder.

Dracula- The Series

Oh, the things I endure for you people. I've just suffered through eleven episodes of a little turd from the nineties called Dracula: The Series. There is always the temptation when reviewing bad vampire material to say that it sucks, so let me instead say that this show blows. But that's what I get for buying DVDs at the dollar store. They are there for a reason. The back of the DVD cover says "Dracula: The Series is family entertainment." That should have been my first warning. OK, my first warning should have been that it was in the dollar store. I take issue with the use of the word "entertainment." Anything vampire that's labeled "family" is most likely going to be bloodless and tame, which this certainly is. Oh, there are a few puncture holes and even some deaths which puts it half a notch up the gore scale from Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire, in which not even the vampire dies.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't begrudge the children some vampires they can watch without throwing up, having nightmares, or needing therapy. In fact, one of my favorite vampire books is Little Vampire's Diary. Get it if you can find it. It's downright charming. No, kiddie vampires are fine, but mature fans should be aware that Dracula: The Series will not be providing them with any thrills and/or chills. The real problem with this show, however, is the quality. It's just plain bad. "Meant for kids," is no excuse.

Where to start? How about the writing? In the first episode We are introduced to Max and Christopher Townsend (Jacob Tierney and Joe Roncetti. Their mother has brought them to stay with Uncle Gustav ( Bernard Behrens) and his ward Sophie Metternich (Mia Kirshner) somewhere in Europe while she is off on business. Max is supposed to be into vampires, and yet he's so stupid that he suspects his uncle Gustav Helsing- HELSING, DAMNIT!- is a vampire and seeks help from the local castle dwelling billionaire Alexander Lucard (Geordie Johnson.) That's right, Dracula is using his old trick of disguising his name by spelling it backwards. I think the first time he tried it was way back in 1943's Son of Dracula (or was that his son?) Oh sure, this time he left the "A" off, but then there's that first initial, so I guess it all comes out even. Although everyone quickly becomes aware that Lucard is Dracula, they continue to refer to him as Lucard most of the time throughout the series, which seems odd since it's Dracula: The Series and not Lucard: The Series. And then there is the general incompetence of our little band of slayers. Time and time again they have the opportunity to kill Dracula, but let him get away.

Let's move on to the acting, shall we? It's all pretty bad, but the worst has got to be Joe Roncetti. Jacob Tierney is young enough that I'm willing to cut him some slack, but Joe just stinks on ice. Mia Kirshner more recently was a recurring terrorist character on 24. She still sucks. The adults aren't much better. Bernard Behrens has many credits going back to the sixties, so I'm going to assume he's usually competent. Unfortunately some actors just aren't capable of rising above bad material. Behrens appears to be one of them. Johnson as Lucard/Dracula seems to be haveing a good time hamming it up. I'm glad he was, 'cause I wasn't having a good time watching him.

And here, perhaps is the worst part. If you are a fan of Forever Knight, brace yourself. Geraint Wyn Davies appears in a few episodes. I understand he was in more the second season. Oh, didn't I mention? This disc is labeled as Volume One. There's another whole disc of this crap somewhere. Anyway, poor Geraint stinks up the place as much as anyone else. He was actually in this before Forever Knight, so at least he was on the way up the vampire ladder.

So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is, don't watch Dracula: The Series. I did so that you wouldn't have to.

Now comes the really sad part. I learned when someone called for a letter writing campaign to save the WB show Birds of Prey that no matter how bad a show is, it's going to be somebodies favorite. Folks, I regret to inform you that there are websites devoted to Dracula: The Series. You heard me right, sites- plural- more than one. Here are a few if you feel the need.

• Dracula: The Series


• Lucard's Homepage


• Dracula: The Series Fanfiction(for the love of Bob!)

Hunter of the Week

Each week I'll be naming a Hunter of the Week. Their picture will be on the right sidebar for the week.
This week's hunter is the Great Peter Vincent as played by Roddy McDowell in Fright Night and Fright Night 2

SHAMELESS PLUG

I have a lovely Cafepress store where you can buy cool hunter gear. Let the creatures of the night know who they're messing with. There's even gear designed for you non-christian hunters here and here. Ain't I thoughtful?

Masters of Horror

I just got an e-mail about this new series from Showtime. Looks like it could be good. Here's a a quote from the Showtime website.

"Masters of Horror is a new anthology series featuring prominent directors of the horror film genre who have joined forces to produce a series of new original horror films that promises to shock, terrify and captivate even the most discriminating horror film fans. The series grew out of an informal bi-monthly dinner attended by many of the horror genre's most highly regarded directors.

Slated to direct are Dario Argento ("Suspiria," "Opera"), John Carpenter ("Halloween," "The Thing"), Larry Cohen ("It's Alive"), Don Coscarelli ("Phantasm," "The Beastmaster"), Joe Dante ("The Howling," "Gremlins"), Mick Garris ("Riding the Bullet," "The Stand"), Stuart Gordon ("Re-Animator"), John Landis ("An American Werewolf in London"), Tobe Hooper ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Poltergeist") and George Romero ("Night of the Living Dead") for a minimum of 13 one-hour films.

While some of the masters will be directing from their own screenplays, an equally impressive roster of writers will be contributing to the anthology, including Richard C. Matheson ("Tales from the Crypt"); celebrated horror comic book creator Steve Niles ("30 Days of Night," "Aleister Arcane"); noted horror writer David Schow ("A Nightmare on Elm Street 5"); Michael Brandt & Derek Haas ("2 Fast 2 Furious"); and renowned horror screenwriters Lawrence D. Cohen ("Carrie," Stephen King's "It") and Matt Greenberg ("1408"). "

By the way, did I mention the Boogeyman sucked? Well, Boogeyman sucked! It sucked so much that I'm not even going to put up an Amazon.com link for it. I can't believe Lucy Lawless was in it. Man, her career has been in dive mode since Xena ended. First that crap Tarzan series on the WB, then Locusts, and now this. She needs to get her ass over to whoever is casting the Wonder Woman movie and beg for the part.

HOLY CRAP! While looking for a picture to go with this post, I just discovered that Lucy is doing a sequel to Locusts. A SEQUEL! It's called Vampire Bats, for Bob's sake.